Selasa, 01 Juli 2014

His Diary

A friend of mine suddenly acted so strange when we were chatting.His language was going to rude.
I noticed he said"MUHFUCKER" Might be he meant"Motherfucker".It was unusual he acted like that when we were chatting or talking.
He told me that he was drunk,he said "I'm just on frugs and alcohol".I was so down when I heard what he was saying.I kept chatting him,I won't he do something bad at that time.I asked him"Are you ok?"Then he answer "Fine never better,I feel high".I never met with drunk person in the real life before,nor I know how to manage the situation.Then He tried to explain me what made him so down.
"Why am I the way I am?Why do the demons attack me mpre than others?
"Why does my mind work the way it does?It must be my past.It must be the death,
carnage,pain,loss and hell I've experienced"

"I walk through tragedies in life like I am emotionless."
"I walk through the flames withouth flinching'
"People find me cold,But if they only knew"
"Some think I am invicible because of all the time I should of been dead,But I know it's just a matter of time."

"In really I am as weak as a human can be."
"All I do is contemplate my past"
"When I imagine my friends overdosing on drugs,Breathing their last breath."
"I imagine it being me"
"I have nightmares the majority of the time,the emotions have become physical."
"It takes everything inside of me just to wake up"
"But hardest thing is Pretending to be Happy"
"I get on my kness and pray constantly and the devil still wins"
"He always win"
"I just wish those times I was overdosing on drugs or laying on the pavement bleeding"
"It was it"
I wish I couldbe gone"
I wish I was gone"
"I don't fear death,but I fear the wait"
"I don't even care if I go to hell anymore,It's done for me"

For the first time I read it,I thought  it was just a song lyrick,because he ever showed me some lyrick.All he told me that it was his DIARY,his toughts.
I wish I could help him,right there beside him,and jsut help him not to be so giving up like that.

All I can do now to Pray for him,May God blesses him(Amiin)

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